Revisiting Paradox

Its been 3-4 years since I started blogging. Finally, it seems that the clarity is no longer muddled. And, the paradoxes have stopped being so stark, as it seemed then.
Perhaps, the innate rebellious streak has sobered down leading to a more 'systemic/endemic' thinking.

Reading my blogs in 2007, when I was trying to figure out my way in Mumbai.. it seems that I believed in a structured approach to life. Though I claimed to realize chaos, it was perhaps naive to imagine that I would ever sort out all the chaos in my life. Infact, there were times, when I feared having a split personality disorder or the likes - one part of the mind would want to accept whatever was happening. The other would love to revolt. And, revolting was always inspring.. as it would help trigger new thoughts, apply frameworks and solve apparently common problems in innovative ways...everyday life i'm talking about. Yes, thats how I would think. Now, I realize that it was fairly complicated. Or deep as they say.

But, what's the pay off of being deep. I dont think there's any. If I'd perhaps converted those deep thoughts into some brilliant lyrics, I'd have expressed myself. But I figured that PinkFloyd's Wall is a sexpot collection of lyrics for me to relate to. So, I'd rather piggy back.

But, why the hell cant i ever memorize or remember any of the lyrics..beyond a single line! How the damn did I pass the school days memorizing those stupid hindi poems! Damn it. Now, I cant remember songs which I like to. Somethings wrong with the way my brain was trained over the years.